Executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “Feedback is a gift that only other can give.”  If that is so, why do so many people have trouble giving and receiving feedback?
A lot of it has to do with power. When we give feedback we may really be trying to control people. Our resistance to receiving feedback is possibly a resistance to change. 

It can be helpful to get clear on the purpose of feedback before we give it.  Below are the five most common types of feedback and suggestions for giving each type. 

Evaluation Feedback: Evaluation Feedback is the most common that you will find in the workplace.It’s also the least helpful. Evaluation feedback comes at the end. The end of the performance year. After a week-long class is over. At the completion of a project.  Sure it’s helpful for all us to gauge how we did, and we may use evaluation feedback to improve next time.  But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?

Real-Time Performance Feedback: This type of feedback is usually given by someone whose success depends on you; for example your boss.  While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.

When you feel that you are receiving performance feedback from someone, it is helpful to be direct and clear.  Try asking, “what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?” And once you hear what they have to say, be willing to change!

Fine-Tuning: With this type of feedback, you generally are hearing from someone who is very satisfied with the job you are doing, but see some areas where you can improve even more. One of the best examples of fine-tuning feedback I ever received was from a course participant.  She asked me if she could share some feedback after she told me how much she had enjoyed the course.  She shared that when I nodded my head while listening to people in the audience, it made her feel as though I was rushing.  WOW!  I had no idea that my head nodding was having this effect on the audience, so her feedback blew me away.

The key to fine-tuning feedback is offering what impact someone’s behavior is having on you.  The person giving the feedback is not necessarily interested in controlling you, or even changing you. By sharing how your behavior is impacting them - they give the receiver the opportunity to change or not.

Feed-Forward: Goldsmith came up with this one years ago. It involves making suggestions before, rather than waiting for them to fail at something and giving negative feedback later. For example, my husband had a presentation to give to the executive leadership committee at work, which was the first time he ever did anything like that.  His boss gave him great feed-forward about how to dress, when to speak, how much detail to go into, etc.

Slap Upside the Head: Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, “You are making yourself and others miserable.  What’s the deal?”

Only very good friends can give slap upside the head feedback.  It is very personal feedback that should only be shared because you care about someone and are concerned. In his book, Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.

The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn’t trying to control you or change you for their sake. they give the feedback knowing what your objectives are for your life and they see that your behavior is keeping you from reaching them.
Summary
Feedback Givers: Before you give feedback, think through your intention and the type of feedback that fits best.Keep in mind that unless you are in a position of authority, it is not your place to give evaluation feedback.  You can lead a horse to water . . .

If you are on the receiving end:  Keep in mind that we all are blind to certain things about ourselves, and feedback is one of the few ways to discover those things about ourselves.   Even if you ultimately disagree with the feedback, accept it as a gift from the person giving it. If it’s evaluation or performance feedback, you have a chance to change in order to do better in the eyes of others.  If it’s fine-tuning or slap upside the head feedback, you have the choice to change or not.

Wendy Mack is a consultant, speaker, and change catalyst who specializes in helping leaders mobilize energy for change, For more articles and resources on leading and communicating change visit: www.WendyMack.com.

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